Holy Mackarel!!!!

After about 45 minutes trying to recover my user and password for this thing I am back in!!

Now. Where was I? Something about big news. Life changing events and all that jazz.....

The News...As I see it and report it..

So I haven't been posting that much lately. Big Friggedy Do...

Let's chaulk it up to me catching up with the News Around the world. Let me recap.

1. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have given birth to their child. I believe the name is "Suri I'm not going to have a normal life ever" Congrats to them for a healthy baby girl. I belive it was a 7 pound Scientologist that shot out of Katie's vagina. I heard John Travolta was the midwife. Also in attendence over a large widescreen was L Ron Hubbard himself. SHALOM Tom and Katie!!!

2. Gas prices have steadily increased while sales of Hybrid cars have slowly decreased. That makes sense doesn't it. Cause really when gas is over $3 a gallon I want to cruise around in my Cadilac Escalade rollin on 23's. WORD. How conveinent that gas started shooting up right around the turn of the spring/summer season. If I remember correctly didn't that happen last year than suddenly gas when down in the fall. I smell something fishy. I think his name is George Bush. Yeah no price gaughing here.

3. Speaking of George Bush reports have it that his overall rating has dropped significantly. Hmmmm I didn't see that happening. I mean if the rednecks in the red states voted for him shouldn't he be a good president? Damn Biblepushers....How do you like the country now?

4. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are off in some third world country trying to organize the birth of their "Love Child" You know I don't see what purpose can come of this. What point are they trying to make? Do they really plan on doing what the natives do and give birth to a child on a dirt rug? I doubt it. I'm thinking more of some type of extravaganza will be had as the natives get the honor of serving the handsome couple. Money and fame do sure change people.

5. The NFL draft is upon us. Will it be Matt Leinhart or Vince Young that go #1? Does it really matter for they will for sure make more money than I will ever see in my lifetime.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

This just in.

It appears aging Rocker of the gay band Bon Jovi Richie Sambora is bedding Denise Richards. Denise Richards formerly the better half of the marriage with Charlie Sheen.
I don't know what is worse. That Richie Sambora as ugly as he is can land women like Heather Locklear and Denise Richards or that Denise Richards can't find someone to feed her the BONE who is under the age of 30. Which is the lesser of two evils?

That folks is the news as I see it for April the 25th. The year 2006.

Swing..Swing..

Ah. Tonight is the long awaited return of some good ol fun. That's right folks. Tonight is the start of our company "Golf League"!!!

Can you just feel the excitment?

Tonight is the night that I start adding the "F-Bomb" to every third word in my sentences after I hit a ball.

Tonight is the night that I start digging through grass and deep woods in hopes of finding my ball after a bad hit.

Tonight is the night where I start to build up frustrations for a good 5 months.

If things get real bad. Tonight is the night I will invent and patent the "FOOT WEDGE"

On the bright side after about 2 hours of golf there will generally be about 4 hours of drinking afterwards in the clubhouse.

Now I remember why I golf.

So much to say...so liitle time...

So. It's been some time since I've visited this place eh? Can you blame a brotha?!?! My life has been nothing but a whirlwind the past few weeks.

Some good and exiciting news is on the horizon but I won't get into that at the moment.

I've been keeping busy by being active every day. You see rather than going home and slugging around on the couch all night before going to bed I have decided to pick up an old activity that I used to do.

Running.

I got away from it for awhile but now I'm back. I'm running more and better than I ever did. Sure it was slow going at first. I think I started with managing 1 1/2 to 2 miles in 30 minutes. Afterwards my lungs felt like they were going to explode and my knees felt like they had snapped off.

Okay..Okay. Some of you may be saying that 2 miles in 30 isn't bad. I would be happy to do that. Well 2 miles in 30 minutes isn't bad if you are out for a nice jog. For someone who used to run 8 minute miles that time is not reasonable.

So here we are 3 months later. I'm running 4 miles in 35 minutes and I'm down about 12 pounds. My lungs feel good and my legs feel as though they could go forever. It's to the point where if I miss a day I feel bad. Basically I find the time to go out for a run.
Hey if it means ignoring my wife....so be it. I gots to get my run on!!

Sure my breakfests now consist of a yogurt and a Special K bar (which by the way are the cats ass!!). Do I miss my McGriddles? Sure. Salads for lunch now replace burgers. I eat more leafs than the fucking Easter Bunny. Do I miss grease for lunch? You betcha.

Is it all worth it to feel and be healthy?....Not quite sure yet. Ask me in about 2 more months.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to pretend to be working.

Smells like St. Patty's Day.....

Ingrediants for a successful St. Patty's Day party:

5 Cases of Beer
4 Bottles of Wine
1 Bottle of Sky Vodka
1 Bottle of our favorite friend Mr. Jack Daniels
Random assortment of other liquors and mixers
Party Hats...

Snacky food to absorb said fluids...

Yes...definately sounds like a party at the Buddha Household.

Zoned out on the "Quil"....

Apparently someone is sick and tired of looking at the picture of Sasha Cohen. It was made known that I haven't posted in a bit. Well. It's true I haven't posted in a bit and I'm quite sorry.
A 1000 pardons on my part.

Let's start out today with a quick "WHAT NOT TO DO"

I've been sick on and off for the past month. The lastest of my miseries has been a dry cough. Usually occurs from the hours of 9 P.M to about 6 A.M.

Last night as I was throwing a coughing fit for my wife to listen to at about 3 in the morning she loudly yelled from her slumber..."Why don't you go downstairs and take some NightQuil!!!
Loudly I yelled back. No I'm fine.

After a 5 minute coughing fit I jump out of bed. Trip over my gym bag and stumble downstairs. I down the recommended tablespoons of the so called venom.

Folks let me just say for the record why they call NightQuil...NightQuil. It is meant to be taken at bedtime. Not halfway through your bedtime. When you have to wake up at 7 to go to work you don't take NightQuil at 4 in the morning.

I wanted no parts of the alarm clock this morning. I was groggy as hell when I did get up. I don't know how I managed to get a shower. For the life of me I don't know how I managed to operate a moving vehicle to get to work. I am drunk as a skunk on the "Quil". I'm sitting here like a zombie at my desk. (not somehting new but I thought I would at least mention it)

So the lesson for the day? Don't pick your nose while at a stop light. You never know who is watching you....

Her name is Sasha....

I have a new foundlove for the (ahem...) "sport" of ice skating. That love is named Sasha Cohen.

What?...

I'm just saying...

(By the way I heard she was cute from a mutual friend. I mean really...do you think that I would actually watch womens ice skating. Now....mens ice skating.....SAILOR!!!)