The Trials and Tribulations of a Man named Buddha

Holy Mackarel!!!!

2006-07-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

After about 45 minutes trying to recover my user and password for this thing I am back in!!

Now. Where was I? Something about big news. Life changing events and all that jazz.....

The News...As I see it and report it..

2006-04-25T06:14:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been posting that much lately. Big Friggedy Do...

Let's chaulk it up to me catching up with the News Around the world. Let me recap.

1. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have given birth to their child. I believe the name is "Suri I'm not going to have a normal life ever" Congrats to them for a healthy baby girl. I belive it was a 7 pound Scientologist that shot out of Katie's vagina. I heard John Travolta was the midwife. Also in attendence over a large widescreen was L Ron Hubbard himself. SHALOM Tom and Katie!!!

2. Gas prices have steadily increased while sales of Hybrid cars have slowly decreased. That makes sense doesn't it. Cause really when gas is over $3 a gallon I want to cruise around in my Cadilac Escalade rollin on 23's. WORD. How conveinent that gas started shooting up right around the turn of the spring/summer season. If I remember correctly didn't that happen last year than suddenly gas when down in the fall. I smell something fishy. I think his name is George Bush. Yeah no price gaughing here.

3. Speaking of George Bush reports have it that his overall rating has dropped significantly. Hmmmm I didn't see that happening. I mean if the rednecks in the red states voted for him shouldn't he be a good president? Damn Biblepushers....How do you like the country now?

4. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are off in some third world country trying to organize the birth of their "Love Child" You know I don't see what purpose can come of this. What point are they trying to make? Do they really plan on doing what the natives do and give birth to a child on a dirt rug? I doubt it. I'm thinking more of some type of extravaganza will be had as the natives get the honor of serving the handsome couple. Money and fame do sure change people.

5. The NFL draft is upon us. Will it be Matt Leinhart or Vince Young that go #1? Does it really matter for they will for sure make more money than I will ever see in my lifetime.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

This just in.

It appears aging Rocker of the gay band Bon Jovi Richie Sambora is bedding Denise Richards. Denise Richards formerly the better half of the marriage with Charlie Sheen.
I don't know what is worse. That Richie Sambora as ugly as he is can land women like Heather Locklear and Denise Richards or that Denise Richards can't find someone to feed her the BONE who is under the age of 30. Which is the lesser of two evils?

That folks is the news as I see it for April the 25th. The year 2006.

Swing..Swing..

2006-04-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Ah. Tonight is the long awaited return of some good ol fun. That's right folks. Tonight is the start of our company "Golf League"!!!

Can you just feel the excitment?

Tonight is the night that I start adding the "F-Bomb" to every third word in my sentences after I hit a ball.

Tonight is the night that I start digging through grass and deep woods in hopes of finding my ball after a bad hit.

Tonight is the night where I start to build up frustrations for a good 5 months.

If things get real bad. Tonight is the night I will invent and patent the "FOOT WEDGE"

On the bright side after about 2 hours of golf there will generally be about 4 hours of drinking afterwards in the clubhouse.

Now I remember why I golf.

So much to say...so liitle time...

2006-04-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

So. It's been some time since I've visited this place eh? Can you blame a brotha?!?! My life has been nothing but a whirlwind the past few weeks.

Some good and exiciting news is on the horizon but I won't get into that at the moment.

I've been keeping busy by being active every day. You see rather than going home and slugging around on the couch all night before going to bed I have decided to pick up an old activity that I used to do.

Running.

I got away from it for awhile but now I'm back. I'm running more and better than I ever did. Sure it was slow going at first. I think I started with managing 1 1/2 to 2 miles in 30 minutes. Afterwards my lungs felt like they were going to explode and my knees felt like they had snapped off.

Okay..Okay. Some of you may be saying that 2 miles in 30 isn't bad. I would be happy to do that. Well 2 miles in 30 minutes isn't bad if you are out for a nice jog. For someone who used to run 8 minute miles that time is not reasonable.

So here we are 3 months later. I'm running 4 miles in 35 minutes and I'm down about 12 pounds. My lungs feel good and my legs feel as though they could go forever. It's to the point where if I miss a day I feel bad. Basically I find the time to go out for a run.
Hey if it means ignoring my wife....so be it. I gots to get my run on!!

Sure my breakfests now consist of a yogurt and a Special K bar (which by the way are the cats ass!!). Do I miss my McGriddles? Sure. Salads for lunch now replace burgers. I eat more leafs than the fucking Easter Bunny. Do I miss grease for lunch? You betcha.

Is it all worth it to feel and be healthy?....Not quite sure yet. Ask me in about 2 more months.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to pretend to be working.

Smells like St. Patty's Day.....

2006-03-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

Ingrediants for a successful St. Patty's Day party:

5 Cases of Beer
4 Bottles of Wine
1 Bottle of Sky Vodka
1 Bottle of our favorite friend Mr. Jack Daniels
Random assortment of other liquors and mixers
Party Hats...

Snacky food to absorb said fluids...

Yes...definately sounds like a party at the Buddha Household.

Zoned out on the "Quil"....

2006-03-13T08:09:00.000-08:00

Apparently someone is sick and tired of looking at the picture of Sasha Cohen. It was made known that I haven't posted in a bit. Well. It's true I haven't posted in a bit and I'm quite sorry.
A 1000 pardons on my part.

Let's start out today with a quick "WHAT NOT TO DO"

I've been sick on and off for the past month. The lastest of my miseries has been a dry cough. Usually occurs from the hours of 9 P.M to about 6 A.M.

Last night as I was throwing a coughing fit for my wife to listen to at about 3 in the morning she loudly yelled from her slumber..."Why don't you go downstairs and take some NightQuil!!!
Loudly I yelled back. No I'm fine.

After a 5 minute coughing fit I jump out of bed. Trip over my gym bag and stumble downstairs. I down the recommended tablespoons of the so called venom.

Folks let me just say for the record why they call NightQuil...NightQuil. It is meant to be taken at bedtime. Not halfway through your bedtime. When you have to wake up at 7 to go to work you don't take NightQuil at 4 in the morning.

I wanted no parts of the alarm clock this morning. I was groggy as hell when I did get up. I don't know how I managed to get a shower. For the life of me I don't know how I managed to operate a moving vehicle to get to work. I am drunk as a skunk on the "Quil". I'm sitting here like a zombie at my desk. (not somehting new but I thought I would at least mention it)

So the lesson for the day? Don't pick your nose while at a stop light. You never know who is watching you....

Her name is Sasha....

2006-02-24T06:13:00.000-08:00

I have a new foundlove for the (ahem...) "sport" of ice skating. That love is named Sasha Cohen.

What?...

I'm just saying...

(By the way I heard she was cute from a mutual friend. I mean really...do you think that I would actually watch womens ice skating. Now....mens ice skating.....SAILOR!!!)

You might be gay if.....(not that there is anything wrong with that)

2006-02-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

Okay.

Two guys talking about yoga. Gay or not Gay?

Me being caught in the middle of the conversation just listening. Gay or not Gay.

Almost losing my composure and bust out laughing....priceless.

It's a part of life...THE BEEMER

2006-02-22T09:14:00.000-08:00

My boss and I were having a discussion late yesterday afternoon. We were talking about certain people within our group that just purchased new cars. BMW's to be exact. That in itself is jim dandy. As individuals we can spend our money on whatever we want. Besides who am I to judge what vehicles people own. (I drive a freakin......"......." for crying out loud.

That's not the point of what I am trying to get at. It was how my boss mentioned that they got their BMW's. Not only did he do it in this fashion I notice that a lot of people talk this way.

"Yeah...(insert name) just got his BMW right before Christmas"
"(Insert name) got his new BMW"
"(insert name) is doing good. He has the wife the baby his job is going well and he just got his BMW"

I didn't know that BMW's could be referred to in the third person. Why does it seem like getting a BMW is like a part of life. Like something you do. Sort of a chain of events in life as follows:

- born into the world
- get educated
- have sex
- drink beer
- drink beer while having sex
- get a job
- get married
- have sex
- have a baby (due to having all of the sex)
- get a BEEMER
- get a house
- retire
- die

Is it me or does anyone else notice this? "uh yeah Jim Bob is doing good at work he just got his BMW"

What the fuck?

Chubby was his name....

2006-02-17T06:37:00.000-08:00

So apparently there is this hit show that people all across the nation love. Dancing with the Stars. (I would link it but go figure...I forget how to do that. Yes..it's been that long) Anyway the wife started to watch this show so if that is what is on the tv that is what I watch. For those of you who do not get the premise the basis of the show is as follows:

1. Get a C-List "star" in the entertainment world. (apparently you can be a sibling of a start..that counts)
2. Get a struggling dancer trying to make in the in world as the next big "broadway star"
3. Pair them up and have them dance.
4. The nation calls up and votes to determine winners and losers.

That's pretty much it.

My tale is not to discuss the show in length. My tale is of self control.

From a males perspective I do have to applaud all of the male dancers on the show. Regardless if you are the star or not. Why applaud you ask? I applaud them for doing what they do with these women and not...."pop wood".

You know..
"salute the soldier"
"pop a chubby"

I could go on and on. Now for anyone who has seen the show there is a lot of touching, rubbing, grinding, holding, and did I mention the grinding?

I don't know about those guys but I get "going" when there is a shift in the wind let alone having to dance and rub up against someone like Stacey Kiebler. (Sure she is about 2 feet taller than I am but boy I would give her knee the best 30 seconds of it's life)

So to all of you guys on the show I salute you!!....uh I mean applaud you!!

Buddha the Millionaire....

2006-02-16T05:52:00.000-08:00

Whenever there is a big pot of cash sitting in the lottery waiting to be won everyone starts to dream their wonderful dreams. Dreams of big houses, fast cars, quitting jobs, golfing all day and fast women..(what?).

Well apparently there will be no such fun in this man's life on this day. Dreams of not having to walk into work 15 minutes late everyday have been shattered. Dreams of buying a Mercedes built golf cart....shattered!!

Believe me the wife isn't happy. Thoughts of being a weathly stay at home mom has been shattered.

So since the powerball is now jacked up to a whooping 365 million we'll just have to dream our little dreams just a tad longer until the next drawing which is on Saturday.

The worst part of this is the rate of return of my inital investment is -0. Is that even possible? For each $5 I put in for the work pool I don't eat. So it's a no win situation. Not only do I lose $5 I can't buy lunch for that day.

A travesty. Just a plain damn travesty.

How easily they don't forget....

2006-02-10T10:23:00.000-08:00

Wow. I appreciate the warm welcome back. I don't know why cause again I've never done this type of thing before. Honest.

But seriously It's nice to hear from a lot of you guys. Part of the reason why I started to do this again.

I think the time away from "blogging" was good for me. It has provided me with time to actually do things important...like work...spend time wth my wife....spend money.

My intent this time around is to try and make this my journal. Sure the occasional story about what I see in bathroom at work will be incorporated but for the most part a little journal. A place where I can go to escape for a bit. (Basically if I feel myself falling asleep at my dest I'll go drum up a quick entry just to keep my ass up)

So the moral of this? I am going to be a more Serious Buddha.......

and if you believe that...

Where has the time gone?

2006-02-09T06:57:00.000-08:00

So I hear there is this new hip thing called a "Blog". Well who am I not to try something new and hip. I define the word "hip".

Since I've never done anything like this before I thought I'd give it a try and see what the big hoopla is all about.

Now keep in mind I'm a novice at this...I've never done anything like this before.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to run to the bathroom.